How to Stop Beating Yourself Up in One Easy Step

Those thoughts batter your mind late at night … just before an important meeting … calling you a fraud, a failure, and worse. Would you try a one-step remedy to shut those voices up forever?

How often do you find yourself thinking:

If ‘they’ knew
that I [did / am / think / want]
whatever ‘it’ is
that horrifies and shames me
about my [life / behavior / identity / thoughts / desires],

I would be an utter outcast
instead of just feeling outcast the way I do.

How often do you find yourself listening to voices in your head that tell you:

You [bad word]!
You mess everything up!
You can’t get anything right!
You always have failed!
You always will fail!
You’re a complete and total failure through and through!

Some people tell you those voices are recordings that you’re playing back from the past. For some people they probably are. For some people, the voices say things that no voice they ever heard could have said — for example, bad words from languages not spoken in their country. Attempting to reject the voices does not seem to work: negating a negative is no more successful in the mirrored corridors of the mind than in logic or in law. For some people, stating affirmations about their own true identity helps to overcome the voices.

The One-Step Method to Overcome Self-Hatred

There’s only one effective way I know to throw self-hatred out the door.

Invite someone in who loves you no matter what.

And, let’s be honest: no matter how great your Mom was, it’s not her. Because you know there’s something you could do that would disappoint her.

The one you have to invite in is God. Because God has already seen all the stuff your mind is telling you that you deserve the worst possible punishment in the world for.

“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:20

And knowing everything, God hasn’t planned the worst punishment in this world or the next for you (or me). Instead, God put a rescue plan into play. No matter how many times or how much we mess up — and God knows our hearts; God knows that we do and will mess up — God has plans for our lives instead. Plans to prosper us, not to harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future.

I will tell you, I’m with you holding on to this. Either God has a hope for me or my lawyer has a hope for me. Nuff said?

Maybe tonight you will go to bed again muttering the same promise that if tomorrow goes the same, you can always escape — the job, the marriage, this life. But know that God is holding you, God is ready to direct you, God has a plan for you.

Affirmations, Schmaffirmations

Yeah, I know. Affirmations don’t go very far. “I am lovable and capable” only means something if it’s true and you don’t believe it for an instant. Not based on the way people around you treat you.

So forget all the stuff that doesn’t mean anything.

Here are a few pages of things that are true. They’re what God says about you, your life today and your life tomorrow. Read them to yourself, read them out loud, read them to your mirror. Don’t read them in front of anyone who treats you badly. These are between you and God. They are the truth. And the truth will set you free. That’s God’s word of honor.

Affirmations for Christian Living

About Carlene Hill Byron

The former editor of New England Church Life and The New England Christian, Carlene Hill Byron is enjoying being home in Maine after 20 years in North Carolina. She is a member of the Redbud Writers Guild. Find her at, and on Facebook at MyHouseHasHistory.
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